WEBVTT

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Another question, I have to ask.
You used to tell children.

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Describe what happens,
how do you inform children?

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You gather the whole family,

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the child included,

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and you...

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speak plainly,

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in any language, Russian or Hebrew,

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and say that his brother...

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is dead,

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that he won't ever see him again,

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the brother will be buried.

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[ VO ] In Israel, there is a special service
that informs a soldier’s relatives that they’ve died in action.

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Their main task is
to find the dead soldier’s family as soon as possible
and inform them about the tragedy in person.

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ANGELS OF DEATH

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[ LYUDMILA ROZHKOVA
DECEASED SOLDIER’S MOTHER ]
Every year, young people are called up
to the army, for a certain time.

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We prepare these bags, called 'kitbiks',

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that the soldiers take with them
going into battle or training.

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We're a part of the army that,

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provides the soldiers with everything they need.

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[ VO ] These elderly ladies and gentlemen are volunteers
who work for Israel’s Defense Forces at one of its many military bases.

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Some are here because their own children died in action.

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These people’s tragic stories are connected to this person,
an outsider at first sight.

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By day, Yan is a hotel manager
but on duty he’s a messenger, an angel of death.

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[ Yan ] Shall I open it?
[ Correspondent ] Yes, if you can.

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[ Yan ] Here’s my uniform.
It’s in my car like this.

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When I’m on call,

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my uniform's always in the car,

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and...

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[ YAN KACHKO
SENIOR COMMANDER, ISRAELI MESSENGER SERVICE, IDF ]
I basically can't leave the Jerusalem area,

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because, in case of a notification,

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I must be at the department within 30 minutes.

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[ VO ] Yan is at the Military Personnel Training Centre

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and the uniform he’s wearing now is well known to every family in Israel.

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[ TSVI TAULIB
DECEASED SOLDIER’S FATHER ]
I returned home...

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and something was odd,
because when got out of the car,

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I saw my friends.
In a kibbutz, we all know each other.

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They all looked at me, but said nothing.

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I knew about an accident,
that a soldier had died but I didn't know who.

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I left the car...

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Friends passed but didn't look at me.

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At such times, friends don’t know what to say.
I didn’t think much of it,

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I went home, my daughters were there.

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I was at home, the bathroom I think,
I'm not sure exactly,

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when I suddenly heard a cry.

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I came out of the house
and saw a group of soldiers at my door,

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I knew at once just what had happened.

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[ YORAM HASON
HEAD, IDF MESSENGER SERVICE ]
Even in the suburbs,

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when you see a group of three people
looking for an address...

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everybody knows exactly what that means.

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When they see the team,

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they know the situation.

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One of the team members,
‘messenger 3’, we call him,

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is in civilian clothes at first .

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He makes sure there's no mistake,
that it's the right house...

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only then does the team go in.

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[ LYUDMILA ROZHKOVA
DECEASED SOLDIER’S MOTHER ]
This is where we put goggles for tanks,

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gloves for tank drivers.

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You put them in so they don’t fall out,
this is a hat...

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and gloves, good-quality, real leather.

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[ Correspondent ] Was your son a tank soldier?

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[ Lyudmila ] No, he was in the infantry.

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They go in first everywhere.

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[ VO ] Noam Tibon-a retired Defense Forces Major-General.

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He is the adoptive father of Lyudmila, German’s mother.

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It sounds strange, but later he’ll explain later.

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[ NOAM TIBON,
RETIRED MAJOR-GENERAL, IDF ]
His parents separated, divorced, and he…

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he didn’t have any relations with his father.

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And Lyudmila came to Israel,

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but unfortunately, she couldn’t stay because she’s not Jewish.

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And then German wrote a letter to the Prime-Minister Ariel Sharon. 

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They found the letter to Prime-Minister Ariel Sharon in his pocket. 

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And in this letter, he wrote:

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 “I can not understand why I am an officer in the Nahal Brigade in IDF, 

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and my mother can not stay as a citizen in Israel, 

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only because she’s not Jewish.” 

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Many Israelis said it was wrong.

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[ VO ] Once, German Rozhkov’s unit was sent North

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to where a Hezbollah unit had crossed the border near the Matsub kibbutz.

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German was one of the first to arrive, 

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he found his bearings, assessed the situation very quickly,

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opened fire and fought alongside his Unit Commander. 

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That’s when German was killed in battle.

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[ Correspondent ] When was that, which month?

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[ LYUDMILA ROZHKOVA
DECEASED SOLDIER’S MOTHER ]
It was in March, 12th of March,

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a week before my birthday.

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[ Correspondent ] How did you find out, how were you told?

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[ Lyudmila ] Do you really need to know?

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[ YORAM HASON
HEAD, IDF MESSENGER SERVICE ]
People who work here
know that the hardest moment,

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is the knock on the door.

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Why?

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Because we don’t know what awaits us behind it.

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[ Lyudmila ] I shudder at every unexpected phone call.

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I shudder at every knock on the door,

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because they knocked then.

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You can’t get through it,

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you live with it.

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[ YAN KACHKO
SENIOR COMMANDER, ISRAELI MESSENGER SERVICE, IDF ]
Your son...

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your daughter or your husband...

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has perished…

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[ Correspondent ] May I?
[ Lyudmila ] You may.

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This room is a shelter,

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that’s why all my valuables are here.

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[ Correspondent ] You can hide here under fire?
[ Lyudmila ] Yes, it's bulletproof glass.

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I have a special rope in case of war,

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to close it faster, it’s waterproof.

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[ Correspondent ] You had a dog? That's a collar?
[ Lyudmila ] Yes. my son's,

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a present on his 13th birthday.

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[ Correspondent ] He had the dog in....
[ Lyudmila ] It died after my son died,

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it stopped eating and drinking.

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This is where it happened, his last battle.

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You can see how it was.

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It says he was awarded the highest honour,
like 'Hero of the Soviet Union'.

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[ NOAM TIBON
RETIRED MAJOR-GENERAL, ISRAEL DEFENSE FORCES ]
First of all, lieutenant German Rozhkov, he’s a hero in Israel.

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It’s become a very big story in Israel, because,

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according to Judaism,

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 you can not bury someone who is not Jewish in a Jewish graveyard.

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They put him out of the fence, because of Judaism.

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Many Israelis said it was wrong.

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This’s how I met, as the brigade commander, how I met Lyudmila, 

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she was alone, she lost her only child, no word in Hebrew,

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can not stay in Israel because she is not Jewish.

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Actually, I and my family, I adopt her, because she was lonely.

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[ Lyudmila ] My son was to lie here,

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but I asked if there could be a bench,
and I didn’t like...

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him being so close to the trees.

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So I asked where it could be near a bench.

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They said the benches were there.
So they put him there.

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Then there was the another war,

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the row grew longer.

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[ YAN KACHKO
SENIOR COMMANDER, ISRAELI MESSENGER SERVICE, IDF ]
Some people black out,

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some don’t feel well,

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some begin to shout, some begin to cry.

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Some people turn and go to their room.

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After a few minutes we start to discuss

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Arranging the funeral,

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and all that goes with it.

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During the first week,
There are certain rules we stick to.

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When the family is able and ready,

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To talk about it, we start…

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Organising…

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Shalom!

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[ VO ] Oshrat Cohen is an officer who supports the relatives of dead soldiers.

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She helps Lyudmila cope best as she can with losing her son.

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[ OSHRAT COHEN
FAMILY LIAISON OFFICER ]
We're with dead soldiers' families,

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from the moment we get the death notice.

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Lyudmila was one of the first relatives I knew.

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We met in person,
after my first visit, we became closer.

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Since then, we meet
and call each other regularly.

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For example, I know I can phone her,

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on a Friday afternoon
if I feel the need to talk,

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I can call Lyudmila to see how she is

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and say hello to her before Shabbat.

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[ Correspondent ] Do you remember the day of the funeral?

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[ Lyudmila ] You ask such questions...
[ Correspondent ] I know it's hard...

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but what do you remember of the 15th?

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[ Lyudmila ] I remember everything and nothing.

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The worst thing is seeing
your child in a morgue.

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That’s the worst.

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The next worst thing was,
there were so many people,

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so many that I felt...

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as if it wasn’t happening to me,
that I was watching a film.

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They carry him away,
and you never see him again.

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It's a terrible thing, to lose a child.
There's nothing worse.

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So I'd prefer not to talk about it.

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People were around,
but at that time, I needed no one.

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[ YORAM HASON
HEAD, IDF MESSENGER SERVICE ]
We're always looking for ways
to deal with it,

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to do our job as fast as we can,
but there is no alternative.

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Just because it would be faster,

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we could inform families by phone,

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But we think that’s wrong,

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it’s not our tradition to tell people,

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about the death of a loved-one by phone.

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[ Yan ] When we go to inform relatives,

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we have a standard template
for the message that we have to stick to.

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We can’t diverge from it.

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It’s printed on paper.

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We have a sheet with the family details,

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and the exact wording that we must say to them.

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We don't usually read it,

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we memorise it while we’re on our way.

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I don’t look at the paper when I speak.

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[ VO ] Everyone at this meeting has one thing in common, 
their relatives died in action while serving in the army.

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Most are fathers and mothers,
but there are also brothers and sisters, and even children.

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This is the day to commemorate the dead.

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In Israel it is a custom to make videos in memory of the fallen
and here the Parents show each other theirs.

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[ ARI GOLDMACHER
DECEASED SOLDIER’S FATHER ]
Basically, on July 19th,

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he received an 'order 81',

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an urgent reservist call-up notice,
to go the Gefen Brigade.

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Two days later...

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they moved towards the Gaza Strip.

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At about 11:30 in the morning...

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the local officers came round,

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and broke the news to us.

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We were already 90% sure,

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we were stressed,

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we knew what had happened.

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My wife shouted not to open the door.

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My eldest son was at home, and my daughter too.

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And they began to shout and cry.

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My younger daughter, she was 9 then,

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she ran to her room.

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[ Yan ] Usually, after hearing the words,

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it takes a few minutes with the family

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for the news to sink in,

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their world is falling apart.

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[ ARI GOLDMACHER
DECEASED SOLDIER’S FATHER ]
A year ago, he wrote this, the year before.

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[ Correspondent ] As if he could foresee his future life?
[ Ari ] Yes, his future.

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It's the year 2023...

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I, Nadav Goldmacher,

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am 32 years old,

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I'm in a... no,

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I live...

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in a flat close to my parents.

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I have a second higher education,

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I’m married,

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and I have two children,

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a boy and a girl.

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[ Voice ] Hi, I'm on my way!

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[ Boris ] Hello! How are you?

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[ VO ] Today, Boris Katz is a programmer,

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but back when he served in the army,
he worked as a psychologist.

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He changed his profession when he left.

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As a psychologist, he supported the messengers themselves,
for whom service life is very stressful.

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[ BORIS KATZ
FORMER PHYCOLOGIST, MESSENGER SERVICE, IDF ]

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From the second your duty starts
until the second you know it’s over…

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For 24 hours...

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you’re in a constant state of stress.

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You get agitated by every phone call,

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if you see it's from an unknown number.

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Unknown numbers are usually military.

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Because in that second,

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they can rip you from regular life,

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and in 20 minutes you’re
in a whole different place.

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Considering the psychological effect it's...

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not the most pleasant thing in the world.

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 [ Yan ] I was meeting with my
Director General and a lawyer,

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discussing a deal the company was doing,

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in the middle of the meeting
my phone rang, I was on call.

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Obviously, it can be inconvenient,

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but that’s nothing compared
to what I had to do later.

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[ VO ] Yakov Avitan’s family history is known to everyone in Israel.

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Even after the messengers had visited,
for several years he had no idea if his son was alive or dead.

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[ Boris ] There was an ambush... a jeep was fired on,

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a few people were missing.

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There were traces of blood,

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but no one thought they were from dead people.

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[ YAKOV AVITAN
DECEASED SOLDIER’S FATHER ]
Look, the process took 3.5 years,
from when they were taken.

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The day we were told, we could do nothing.

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The State tried to learn
if they were alive or not.

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[ Boris ] I remember that day very well,

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when the deal was made,

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but instead of soldiers,

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coffins were carried out.

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[ Voice ] What did Eliraz live by?

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Jewish law.

00:19:53.00 --> 00:19:54.00
The Gemara, says that,

00:19:55.00 --> 00:19:58.00
"A smart learner is one who loves the Talmud."

00:20:00.00 --> 00:20:01.00
And I say that...

00:20:02.00 --> 00:20:04.00
Eliraz always lived by the Talmud.

00:20:06.00 --> 00:20:10.00
[ VO ] For Israeli families,
children dying in the army is shockingly frequent.

00:20:11.00 --> 00:20:14.00
This weeping mother has lost a second son.

00:20:16:00 --> 00:20:23:00 --> 
His name was Eliraz Perez,
he was killed two years after the death of his own best friend, German.

00:20:24:00 --> 00:20:28:00 --> 
[ LYUDMILA ROZHKOVA
DECEASED SOLDIER’S MOTHER ]
I can say how my son’s friend died.

00:20:29:00 --> 00:20:31:00 --> 
His grenade was caught by a bullet.

00:20:32:00 --> 00:20:34:00 --> 
It's rare for that to happen.

00:20:35:00 --> 00:20:43:00 --> 
[ NOAM TIBON,
RETIRED MAJOR-GENERAL, IDF ]
Eliraz, actually, served in a different brigade,
Golani Brigade.

00:20:44:00 --> 00:20:49:00 --> 
And actually, they were very different,
because Eliraz was religious, and German was not Jewish.

00:20:50:00 --> 00:20:55:00 --> 
And, actually, they were in a good touch,
until German was killed.

00:20:56:00 --> 00:21:58:00 --> 
And a few years later, Eliraz.

00:20:59:00 --> 00:21:09:00 --> 
When he was a deputee of the Gollani batallion along the Gaza border,
also was killed in fight in Gaza.

00:21:10:00 --> 00:21:12:00 --> 
[ Lyudmila ] I opened the door like this...

00:21:12:00 --> 00:21:14:00 --> 
and she stood just here.

00:21:16:00 --> 00:21:18:00 --> 
I said, 'What’s happened?'

00:21:19:00 --> 00:21:20:00 --> 
 [ Hebrew ] What?

00:21:21:00 --> 00:21:22:00 --> 
[ Hebrew ] Who?

00:21:22:00 --> 00:21:23:00 --> 
'Who...?

00:21:23:00 --> 00:21:24:00 --> 
'Eliraz.'

00:21:24:00 --> 00:21:27:00 --> 
I forgot Russian, I forgot Hebrew,

00:21:28:00 --> 00:21:30:00 --> 
I just said, "How could God allow this?"

00:21:33:00 --> 00:21:36:00 --> 
Until the last day, he’d sat on my sofa.

00:21:37:00 --> 00:21:39:00 --> 
He was a very religious person.

00:21:40:00 --> 00:21:42:00 --> 
I had a whole shelf for him here.

00:21:43:00 --> 00:21:45:00 --> 
He had four children,

00:21:46:00 --> 00:21:48:00 --> 
I still can’t believe it,

00:21:49:00 --> 00:21:51:00 --> 
[ Correspondent ] That was five years ago?

00:21:52.00 --> 00:21:53.00
[ Lyudmila ] Five years ago,

00:21:54:00 --> 00:21:56:00 --> 
in March it’ll be 5 years.

00:21:57:00 --> 00:22:01:00 --> 
They’d been friends since officer training.
She lost a second son.

00:22:02:00 --> 00:22:08:00 --> 
[ MIRIAM PERETZ
MOTHER, TWO SONS KILLED IN ACTION ]
You can see the picture of German in my house too, 
because he was alone here.

00:22:10:00 --> 00:22:12:00 --> 
So he would come home to my house with my son Eliraz.

00:22:13:00 --> 00:22:22:00 --> 
Even though my son Eliraz was very religious,
and German was a Christian, they fought together.

00:22:23:00 --> 00:22:29:00 --> 
[ NOAM TIBON,
RETIRED MAJOR-GENERAL, IDF ]
I retired last month,
after 32 years of service in the Israel Defense Forces, as a general.

00:22:30:00 --> 00:22:37:00 --> 
And at my ceremony,
there were more than 30 families

00:22:37:00 --> 00:22:39:00 --> 
who lost their kids under my command.

00:22:40:00 --> 00:22:42:00 --> 
This is the reality here.

00:22:43:00 --> 00:22:50:00 --> 
[ Child speaks in Hebrew ]
[ Boris Katz ] Speak Russian, the guys don’t understand!
[ Child ] I see.

00:22:52:00 --> 00:22:53:00 --> 
[ Boris ] 'No problem', she said!

00:22:54:00 --> 00:22:57:00 --> 
[ Correspondent ] She knows Russian?
[ Boris ] She understands and speaks Russian,

00:22:58:00 --> 00:23:00:00 --> 
but she’ll speak Hebrew now, in spite.

00:23:03:00 --> 00:23:05:00 --> 
[ Correspondent ] And what do you do?

00:23:06:00 --> 00:23:07:00 --> 
[ Voice ] She dances.

00:23:16:00 --> 00:23:19:00 --> 
[ BORIS KATZ
FORMER PHYCOLOGIST, MESSENGER SERVICE, IDF ]
People who’d reached a certain age,

00:23:19:00 --> 00:23:20:00 --> 
who had children,

00:23:21:00 --> 00:23:23:00 --> 
came and told me: 'I can’t be a messenger!

00:23:24:00 --> 00:23:28:00 --> 
'Because the boys who died,
that I had to tell the relatives about',

00:23:29:00 --> 00:23:31:00 --> 
are now close to my own kid's age.

00:23:31:00 --> 00:23:33:00 --> 
'I can't cope psychologically,

00:23:33:00 --> 00:23:37:00 --> 
'Because I know I could
have been in this situation'.

00:23:38:00 --> 00:23:42:00 --> 
[ Camerman ] Were there times when a messenger
was told about his son's death?

00:23:43:00 --> 00:23:45:00 --> 
I know there were, I know there were.

00:23:47:00 --> 00:23:55:00 --> 
[ VO ] Boris has three children, and under Israeli law,
all of them, even the daughter, must serve in the Army.

00:23:56:00 --> 00:24:02:00 --> 
The boys for 3 years, girls for 2.
A combined total of 8 years of fear and dread.

00:24:03.00 --> 00:24:06.00
[ Boris ] I know my eldest son is now 14 and a half.

00:24:07.00 --> 00:24:09.00
In 3 months... 3 years, he’ll be in the Army,

00:24:10.00 --> 00:24:13.00
my second son will serve in 6 years,

00:22:14.00 --> 00:23:15.00
and then my daughter will serve.

00:24:17.00 --> 00:24:19.00
Whenever I think about it: 'God forbid',

00:24:20.00 --> 00:24:23.00
I won’t sleep in those three army years.

00:24:24.00 --> 00:24:27.00
I’ll be nervous as hell,
because I know what can happen.

00:24:28.00 --> 00:24:33.00
I’m in a worse position than
someone who hasn't done it,

00:24:34.00 --> 00:24:37.00
if you haven’t been a messenger,
you don’t know what can happen.

00:24:40.00 --> 00:24:43.00
Every time you imagine yourself
in the family’s shoes,

00:24:44.03 --> 00:24:47.12
you feel awful

00:24:48.00 --> 00:24:49.00
and you try to forget.

00:24:50.00 --> 00:24:53.00
That feeling's impossible to live with.

00:24:54.00 --> 00:24:57.00
[ YAN KACHKO
SENIOR COMMANDER, ISRAELI MESSENGER SERVICE, IDF ]
[ Correspondent ] Are you afraid of that knock?
[ Yan Kachko ] I'm scared.

00:25:00.00 --> 00:25:01.00
Naturally...

00:25:02.00 --> 00:25:04.00
He's with a combat unit.

00:25:05.00 --> 00:25:06.00
I’m scared.

00:25:08.00 --> 00:25:11.00
Most people I serve with have kids
who were, or are, in the Army,

00:25:12.00 --> 00:25:14.00
so all the talk I hear...

00:25:14.00 --> 00:25:17.00
in the smoking room is about that.

00:25:18.00 --> 00:25:19.00
Everyone’s afraid,

00:25:20.00 --> 00:25:22.00
anyone who says they’re not is lying.

00:25:23.00 --> 00:25:28.00
In the army we do this job and know
that anything can happen to anyone,

00:25:29.00 --> 00:25:30.00
unfortunately.